Boozeless and Useless Dates

What a strange couple of weeks since my last post!  For those of you who haven’t heard this from me in person, I gave up alcohol for Lent.  I’m normally a very enthusiastic moderate drinker but I find that I rely too often on booze to deal with such a life as mine.  Funny enough I was thinking about all of the reasons I feel like “I need a drink!” and since Lent started I’ve had to experience 9 out of 10 of said reasons.  Please have a look into my psychosis:

Things that make me want to drink
1) Going away parties at a bar
2) First dates
3) Waiting for a “him” to call anxiety
4) Ladies night with trashy TV
5) Brunch (Bloody Maryyyyyys!)
6) Getting dumped
7) Bachelorette Parties
8) Weddings
9) Stressful days at work
10) Making myself a nice dinner.  Wine just completes it.  Duh.

The last time I posted I was all skittish about whether I was going to be asked out again (#2 having occurred, #3 in the middle of) by the most current man.  Well he finally did and we went out on Saturday.  But it was totally strange between when he asked me (Wednesday) and Saturday  because I had no idea what we were doing, only that he said he’d think of “something interesting”.  Strange because I didn’t hear from him until 40 minutes after I got out of work and I had spent the whole day in a state of anxiety about whether I was getting stood up.  I texted him on my lunch break and he didn’t even respond to that, so I left work expecting to spend the evening alone and trying to distract myself.  I thought, “Well getting stood up IS interesting.  Maybe that’s what he meant.”  When he did finally contact me it was to tell me that he couldn’t think of anything and asked me what I wanted to do.  Major let down.  But I still went out with him, just less enthused about the outing, which must have been apparent because it’s nearly a week later and I haven’t heard from him again (hello #6).

The other parts of my drinking list are pretty self explanatory, only #8 hasn’t happened yet, but it will soon after Lent ends (hence #7 where I gave myself a mini pass to have a champagne toast with my engaged pal).  Every other situation I’ve handled pretty well I’m proud to say. We'll see how hard I hit the bottle after I've been on a few more useless dates.  

I Hate Dating. Part One.

I’m not sure I’ve ever been on a date with someone who seemed as nervous and insecure as I always feel on dates.  I usually loosen up pretty quickly, but with my date on Thursday I just felt anxious the whole time.  I think things went well for a few reasons despite the nerves.  First, we ate dinner for two hours and talked pretty easily the whole time.  The conversation was terrific- just a hint of nervous energy in the air- and he didn’t seem in a hurry to leave at all.  Second, after dinner he was kind of like “what do you wanna do now?” instead of “nice meeting you, take care”.  We walked the long way to our separate bus/train and talked some more.  And third, he said “we should do this again sometime” at our parting (to which I literally said “yes please”).

But I’m also worried that it didn’t go well for a few reasons.  First, I was in high ditz form that night and said some airheaded things.  Second, I sort of criticized him when he was telling me how horrible of a parent the woman was that he was a nanny for, saying that it must be really hard being a single mom.   And third, at one point when we were deciding what to eat I said “Oh but you don’t like fish right?... Was that you?”.  Doh!  I don’t know if he caught that one though.  And he said likes fish sometimes, so that was some other profile I was reading.  Why can’t I control the things that come out of my mouth?  Geez!

… Hold the phone.  In my shame I just jumped on the freesite to confirm whether he had said he hated fish and HE DID SAY THAT.  That only makes half of what I said dumbass-y.  But I also saw something I wish I hadn’t.  Him online at that exact moment!  This makes me squirmy because of an additional bit of info I have yet to disclose which is the exchanging of texts since our date.  Today and yesterday we’ve texted but he hasn’t taken the initiative to ask me out again yet and I’m too traditional and stubborn to ask him myself.  So he’s online either to read my hilarious emails to him for the millionth time or he’s checking out more girls.

 And THIS is why online dating is sucky.  Everyone’s playing the field.  What I want after a great first date is for a guy to be like “Wow, she was great!  I’ve got to make plans to see her again, and soon!”, not “I liked her okay, but maybe something better is just around the corner.  I’ll call her in a week just to keep her around.”  After my date with this guy I found all of the other guys I’ve been communicating with to be much less interesting.  Why can’t that be a two way street?   

A Suitor Steps Up, Another Sits Down, Still Others Begin A-Stirrin'

There’s a new guy as of maybe a week ago.  Again, from the freesite (what!).  He’s an ex-missionary who was a live in nanny over the last year and now works at a “high end burger joint”.  He’s a year older than me and is pretending to shave his beard with an axe in his profile picture.  We emailed a few times and now have a date scheduled for tomorrow night!  He’s actually really funny (finally!) and is taking me for some free food adventures on Michigan Avenue.  I’m excited but also worried that I won’t be attracted to him in person.  It’s even harder to tell what he looks like now since he said he shaved his beard.  What would be worse though is if I like him a lot and he’s not into me at all.  That is a familiar scenario! 

Sometimes I wonder if I’m attracted to guys who don’t really seem that interested in dating me.  This reminds me of a story… I had this great friend who tried to set me up with two different Christian men that he knew.  The first is a story for another time.  The second guy I was supposed to meet at a concert that our mutual friend was performing.  I brought a wing-girl, and thank goodness I did because he never showed up! Later I recounted my disappointment to someone and said “Well he seems to care little about me, so it sounds like he’s definitely my type!”.  True story.

On the site that I paid good money to match me with menfolk there has been another dead end with the latest man to advance through Guided Communication.  The step that required effort slowed another Romeo from climbing my up balcony.  But a few new men started the process so the odds are one of them will come through standing.

BUT!  If this date tomorrow goes well then maybe I don’t have to worry about any of those laggers! 

Wish me luck!

Contents Include: Kittens and The Date Where Someone Else "Did It".

In the past couple of weeks not a whole lot has happened, but here is the briefing:

Crazy-looking bearded guy finally wrote me again after our first date saying we should hang out again when he’s in town.  I said “Sure!” and am waiting for a follow up email.  I’m not all giddy like I would have been for a second date with "Mark" (see Three Men and a Maybe post), but he seems like an interesting fellow and it can’t hurt anything to get to know him better.

On the not-free site there has been another “guided communication” with a new man.  His profile pic has him lying with a kitten snuggling up under his neck.  A cheap shot on his end?  Yes.  Effective?  Yes.  We’ll have to see if he makes it past the last phase where I lost the other guys.  I’m also rethinking my standard question about what is his relationship with money.  I’m afraid it has had the opposite effect where men think I want them to have lots of money to spend on me.  How do I take that one back with the guys it maybe drove away?  Can’t.  But I can’t worry about it either; I can just ask a better question.  Money is really personal anyhow, so maybe it was too soon to ask something like that.

The one guy who made it past the money question and whose first email to me I grumbled about on my last post still hasn’t phoned me.  So what I did was use the “Secure call” feature to give him my number instead of calling him like he asked.  Can’t worry about that one too much either.

But tonight I am going on a date!  A friend date…

*Argh!  I wrote that last line and then went away to Indiana for the weekend.  Without my computer for 24 hours was megasweet!* 

Anywho, my friend date was with my male friend/exroommate/notpotentialboyfriend.  We saw “Spring Awakening” which is a musical play about sex and being a teenager.  The man that did the music is my dream husband Duncan Sheik so I’ve wanted to see it since I heard about it (years ago!).  I found two incredibly cheap tickets almost a month ago and the closer it got to the day the more I worried about who to invite.  I invited my buddy because he isn’t a Christian and likes things like this and also would be reliable for good conversation about it afterward.  I realized that a sex-themed play of uncertain levels of graphicness would not be good for a real date.  But I’d find out real quick how stodgy a guy is by sitting next to him during this play!  My dude friend was the right choice, even if he did giggle during the sex scene.  My ideal man would love engaging in art with an open mind and an analytical eye.  And if he shielded his eyes from the sex scene then I’d know I had a keeper!

Loving People. Especially Dream Man if He Shows Up.

Happy Valentines Day!  It’s 8pm and I’m about to go to sleep.  Because A) I’m working my third 5am shift in a row tomorrow and B) because I don’t have a good reason to stay up late and lose sleep.  I am a single girl on a couple’s holiday.  I am the girl who bought a bottle of Anniversary Ale (potent beer) and a bottle of Red Wine.  I am the girl who bought herself flowers and chocolate-based dessert.  I am the girl who has never had a honey on this day of the year.  But I am also the girl who went on with her day, felt especially flirted with by one of her managers, who taught her roommate to make guacamole and then made him a rosemary sparkling soda, who ate leftover BBQ Pulled Pork sandwich for dinner and drank 1.5 glasses of wine while watching a slasher movie, then ate that chocolatey dessert with fresh blueberries.  Mmm.

It’s funny that the above manager said he didn’t understand why any girls were single, as if anyone tolerable-looking would have dozens of men waiting earnestly for her to answer his calls.  It’s also funny that he was all complainy about being single and how there were so few single girls at work, yet I didn’t feel that upset today about my lack of prospects.  It didn’t even bring me down or tempt me to complain that our boss hired nearly all taken men too.  Good day I think.  Flowers were cut for three water glasses that I placed around the house for my roommates to enjoy.  I’m spreading love around.  Because why not?

And yes I realize that my manager was being way obvious.  But he’s a sweetheart, so it’s not creepy.  It is disappointing and not at all tempting since he is highly, highly not my type.  Too bad.

Time for bed where hopefully Joseph Gordon-Levitt will be waiting for me.  In my dreams I mean.  Not in my bed.  Though I really really wouldn’t mind if that’s a part of my dream.  

The Best Bad Date Pay-off To Look Forward To.

Oh Lord.  Lord, can I just ask for some fellows on either of these sites to respond to me and be not completely weird?  I’m not showing my weird card at least until the first date (where it will be impossible to hide anyhow).  There are cool guys out there.  Somewhere.  Some of them are online.  Please help them to see what an awesome dame you’ve created here.  I’m usually pretty great.  I don’t need to settle for weirdoes because you have someone for me that I don’t have to convince myself to like.  Thanks Lord.  I know you’re taking care of me here, so that’s pretty comforting.

Strange man #1: Writes me on the FreeSite the following- “If I may be so bold, I think you are absolutely gorgeous! My name is *bleep*, May I take you to dinner please?”.  Provocative and bold indeed.  He gets “better” in his profile where he writes things like

“My heart jumps with a moment of passion. My eyes get lost into her gaze and my mind wanders into endless possibilities. I dream poetically and passionately, of her soft tender touch. My lips quiver with the desire for her kiss. I need her, I want her, I desire her.”

And “I am drawn towards people who are successful and not kicking sh*taround in a back alley dump.”

What a darling weirdo.  I almost want to have dinner with him just so I can write about how crazy that experience would be.  But I’m not going to due to the not unlikely chance that I’ll end up having to smack him in the face within the first five minutes of dinner.  Conversely that situation makes it still tempting since I think he could use that or a drink thrown in the face.  Really the more I talk about it the more I just want to throw my drink in someone’s face.  If I’m lucky I’ll get the chance while I’m still single.

Strange man #2: On the not free site one of the original men I communicated with has finally completed the last part of guided communication with me and immediately wrote “it’s time to speak.  What’s your number?  Alternatively, feel free to call me anytime at…”. 

Sigh.

Can you be at least a little conversational there?  Your first email to me sounds like a robot asking me for a phone date.  *robot voice* “It is time to communicate over the telephone.  Please contact me at your convenience for a verbal scanning of our compatibility”.  *end robot voice*

Again.  Lord.  Please.  Help me out a little here.

The Trouble with Grammar and Gorgeous Guys

I just got matched with a guy who has many marks against him just for the careless manner in which he wrote his profile.  He’s 31, a truck driver and has yet to learn the difference between “then” and “than”, spelled “probably” as “probally”, never uses spaces after periods or commas, and not only used “lol” lowercased but attached it to the end of “I try to make the world a better place lol!”.

Aaaaaand… I “smiled” at him.  Don’t look at me like that!  He’s unspeakably adorable!  That smile!  A picture of him playing with a dog!  Another of him in a suit!  Who was it that said “A well tailored suit is to a woman what lingerie is to a man”?  True stuff those words.  I think he looks like a nice man.  I’m certain that I make punctuation mistakes all the time.  I’m only one step ahead of him in knowing when to use “it’s” instead of “its”.  Maybe he doesn’t talk much.  Maybe I can just take him places and get to look at him all the time.