I am in misery. I found this guy who is remarkable in every way, who IS the Check List of my ideal guy. He's got it all. He's smart, funny, silly, cute (in an unassuming way), humble, kind, full of drive (but not for money). This guy is cutting back to four days a week at his retail job so that he can devote more time to volunteering. This guy loves Jesus (!!!) and still has an open mind about the world we live in and shares the same liberal-sided points of view that I have. This guy openly talks about things that I think about but am afraid are too controversial for my conservative friends. He's brave. He's great with kids. The way he thinks about money is how I think about it, and that's to not give it much weight in my life.
But I am in misery. If my life were a Disney movie, this is the point where he would see everything in me that I see in him and realize we're perfect together. He'd be drawn to me, intrigued by our similarities and captivated by my inner beauty.
My life has never been like a movie. My life is a romantic comedy that you'd see where I'm the "best friend" who supports the leading lady in her love crisis and who nobody really notices is still single herself at the end of the movie. I am Kristen Wig in Bridesmaids without the cute Irish cop. My life isn't even a movie where I get to be the leading lady. That's dumb.
This amazing guy who has stumbled into my not online dating life has shown himself, over and over and over again to be overwhelmingly not into me. He's really nice to me, and has even started getting involved volunteering in the organization where I told him I help out. But none of the signs are there. There's no spark in his eye when he talks to me, he doesn't try to be where I am, he tells me about his dating life like I'm an older sister. Oh yeah, I am five years older than him. That's not nothing to a lot of guys. I don't know if that's the problem, I don't know what the problem is. I don't know if he wants a 24 year old, I don't know if he only likes Korean or Blonde girls.
But it's pretty clear he isn't interested in me. Friends tell me to just wait and see if it changes, but I've already put my love life (and other parts of my life) on hold to see if it leads anywhere. I'm too old for that waiting around for maybe someday shit.
Even so... I am in misery. I wanted Mr. Perfectforme to like ME. I would have felt lucky to have him and I realized that I WANT to feel lucky to have the guy I end up with. There's been almost nobody like that and absolutely nobody like that who I've gotten to know as well as him.
Waaaaaa.
