Three Men and a Maybe

This is pretty great.  So I've been on this other FREE dating site for maybe a year now and have met two and a half men on there (more on that later) and have now secured an evening out with this crazy hippy looking blues musician who said he was floored by my profile.  I'd mentioned a handful of my interests on my profile and as he read it realized that he was enjoying about four different things that I enjoyed at that exact moment (basically a specific book, beverage, wine and food).  But he looks like a hippy lunatic (which is strangely sometimes my type) and is very often out of town/the country on "gigs" and understandably is therefore just looking for friends only.  Fine by me.  I just wanna be “out there” and doing stuff!  More new men in my life will at least keep me optimistic, even if we’re just drinking coffees and going to the theatre.  Which is what was proposed actually, so he’ll at least be a person that I can get to accompany me to all these plays I’m always wanting to see! 

Oh I guess I can follow up immediately on the 2.5 men statement above.  The first guy I met was when I was trying to utilize the site to meet “new Christian man friends”.  He wasn’t very attractive to be quite frank, but he was wanting to get back into church again and I felt it my responsibility to befriend him.  He also seemed like someone I might enjoy as a friend.  Then he got really weird on me after hanging out a couple of times and I found myself (possibly irrationally) afraid of him.  Haven’t seen him since.  

Second guy was someone we’ll call Mark.  He was overwhelmingly my type (which never never happens!) and asked if I wanted to grab a beer within his first email.  We went out once and I thought everything went perfectly, I even nearly embraced a stranger while gliding down the street in bliss on the way home.  Mark asked me to call him next week.  I texted him the next day (bad idea?) thanking him for the drink and wishing him a grand weekend.  Never heard from him.  I rallied all courage to call him and plainly ask him out again- got voicemail.  He texted back saying we should make plans for such and such day.  The day comes and he’s feeling too tired.  I text have a good night’s rest or something and wait for a follow up from him.  It never comes and I am done putting myself out there.  Ouch.

The half guy I’ll call Luke.  This guy’s profile pic has him in suspenders with a really awesome red and white beard (you’d have to see it) and glasses.  I look it over and think that he’s a little too hip and good looking for me.  Then I see him at a Resurrection Dance Party on Easter (true thing) and it takes me a while to place him.  I get home and look at this site to be sure and- yup that’s him!  He noticed me notice him so I emailed him on there saying “I knew I recongnized you!”.  We emailed a bit and he made a failed effort or two to come out to a couple of group things that I organized.  We’ve still never actually met.  I’ve even been in the same room with him at a baptism picnic but was too terrified of him to go up and say hello.  I don’t even know if he saw me there.  He likes things I say on Facebook sometimes.  Has made no effort on his part to try and meet me for real.  And though we have mutual friends and may meet one day, his lack of urgency makes me pretty unhopeful of a romantic attachment.

Step right up third and a half man!    

A Terrifying Day Trip, Easy Bravery and Filler Posts

Is it possible to be pessimistic and optimistic at the same time?  If you read my last entry I think I did an excellent job of representing both camps.  Despite being the day of the most epic snowstorm that we’ve seen so far this year, my birthday turned out well enough.  Two of my trusty male friends braved the snow to show up for dinner and another friend made a later appearance to show her support of my advancing age.  It was a good birthday after all!  I treated my nerd self to an afternoon at the Museum of Science and Industry and on the drive home found a new appreciation for life while driving in a blizzard on the highway.  I kissed my threshold and then spent the rest of the day cooking for the one to six people that might show up.  This is the dessert I made: http://www.thekitchn.com/recipe-sticky-spiked-doubleapp-66619.  Honestly even if it was a terrible day, ending it with this and a DVD would have been amazing. 

In the online dating category there has been absolutely no activity.  I tried to expand my criteria and am now open to being rejected by men as far as 60 miles away.  Maybe that will bear more fruit!  Also my race preferences have been expanded to include Pygmies and human-animal hybrids so there’s that too.   Like always “I’ll just wait and see”.  I did email another man who updated his profile to say his account was expiring soon.  He seemed really funny and into the whole Jesus thing like me so I thought why not?  I hadn’t contacted him yet for two reasons.  First, that he was too good-looking.  I don’t know why I have a heart shrug when I see those guys.  Maybe I just have poor self esteem and confident people intimidate me.  Second reason is that unfortunately I get to see who has viewed my profile and it shows that he saw mine over a week ago and chose not to contact me.  The great thing about online dating is that getting rejected when you put yourself out there is easier to deal with because it’s not someone you’ll be likely ever to see again and really not someone you’ve seen ever anyway.  It costs little to be brave and that’s awesome.

If there is continued inactivity I think I’ll write you all some charming anecdotes from my dating life so far.  And if it lasts longer than the material I have I’ll post some clips from past journal entries that I think are funny.  If it lasts longer than THAT material I’m just going to post about what I’m having to eat for every meal of the day.  Any longer than that and… well no, that could go on for years.  

Nobody's Coming to My Turkey Curry Birthday Buffet and It's Okay

My Birthday is in two hours.  My 32^nd birthday.  For a while I was trying to come up with a Bridget Jones’ Diary themed day, but couldn’t come up with much besides watching Fatal Attraction and drinking vodka, then listening to some Celine Dion/Chaka Khan.  If you didn’t know, Bridget spends most of the year as a 32 year old single during the course of the movie.  The best I could come up with was hosting a dinner party like she did on her birthday (though technically her 33^rd) and cook for my closest friends here.  The trouble with that is that all of my friends are either busy or aren’t quite sure they can come.  But the fact that this makes me feel like a loser also draws my attention to the counter-fact that every birthday I’ve ever had has been with friends.  And a good bunch of them at that!  I’m luckier in that respect I guess.

So at this moment I am sipping a good scotch while under  a blanket (it’s 6 degrees out there!) and thinking maybe tomorrow won’t be so bad after all.

This brings me to my next thought.  A few years ago I stopped complaining about getting older.  I feel like this way of thinking about age is taught to us by our society.  We should lie about our age, we should worry that we’re starting to look old.  But for some reason I started thinking about people who die young.  They would love to be turning 32 and would see extended life as a gift.  It is terribly selfish to be mourning the addition of another year to your age!  I’m lucky to be 32!  I’ll be lucky to be 40 too!!!  Sure I have all the fears that single people get to have about getting older (babies?  Thinning pool of never-divorced men?) but I have to remind myself that this is not all that life is about.  Maybe I should be reminding some of my family members about that too.  Life!  When you get older there’s just more to love!!!   

*Also small datingsite update: A man named Angel emailed me.  Seems nice, looks a bit crazy.  But the main problem of course is his name.  If you know mine you know what I'm talking about.

Mild Impatience, an Endorsement and Wild Speculation

I haven’t written in a few days because… well not much has happened with the fellas.  I’m new to this so I’m all responding in a timely manner like an eager puppy (a punctual puppy if you will) and now that the process is requiring more than a few clicks, the dudes are dawdling.  It is kind of disappointing but I have no idea what is normal on this site.  I don’t feel like I’m getting anywhere and my subscription is almost 1/6^th over!  A darling friend of mine said she is praying that I’ll meet someone quickly on this site just like she did.  I laughed and was encouraged when she also said that every time her husband does something great for her she thinks “Best $200 I ever spent!”.  Awesome. 

Wait a minute.   I’ve just realized that you can skip guided communication all together and just start emailing right away!  Why wasn’t that totally clear from the start?  But of course I immediately wonder why nobody is emailing me.  Apparently my mysterious magic man demagnetism  is powerful enough to traverse the interweb!  Impressive powers I have.  I’m staying positive though because 1) the alternative is unacceptable 2) I’ve still got 5 months where anything could happen and 3) I don’t actually believe I repel men.  It’s a spell a wicked witch put on me remember?  Or a part of God’s master plan.  Ooh!  Or both!!!  

Lots of "Fit" Fellas and Longing for More Periods.

Oy, I’ve looked at so many profiles that I can’t even tell who’s good looking anymore.  Guys with way too many exclamation points became the unattractive ones.  Guys whose “Can’t stands” that they sent me included “people who are excessively overweight”.  This is over choices like “racist”, “suffering from addictions” and “mean-spirited”.  Guys who list “America” as one of the top three things that they are thankful for.  America’s great for lots of reasons, but we’re pretty messed up in just as many ways thank you very much.  And can I just say that way too many men love working out/staying fit?  For what?  For your horrible shirtless shot where I “get to see” your abs?  The exercise I get is at work, a ridiculous amount of walking and stirring a thick batch of cookie dough.  In this way I am not compatible with tons of Christian men in Chicago.  I’m also suspicious that men want a partner who shares their value in exercise because they (unlike above man) are too polite to say they don’t want to date a big chick.

This whole process is kind of strange so far.  “Guided Communication”, as they call it, starts with three questions you’d like to ask (selected from a set list), then moves on to “Must Haves and Can’t Stands”, afterwards leading into the “Open-ended Questions” that you have the power to write yourself or to just again pick from a list.  I’m at OEQ with two men now and I asked them both two self-written questions: “What is your relationship with money?  Do you consider yourself frugal or do you often treat yourself to nicer things?” and “What are some of your favorite TV shows?”  Men who have a lot of money and spend it on themselves ick me out.  So here’s a way to see what’s up there.  And I love good TV and my ideal match would have the same taste in shows as me.  The last question I chose from the list and it said something like “When it comes to your career, are you doing what you love?  If not, what would you rather be doing?” .  I think that is a great question!  Tell me your dreams stranger!

Recurring Wifeyness

I'm not a wife.  Never have been.  But this fact does not stop my coworkers from thinking that I am married.  I've heard this more now that I'm older with the reasoning of "You just act like a wife" (today's gem), "You just seem very sure of yourself, like you know who you are" (how nice, though from a lady) and "Well I'd be married if I was your age" (I may or may not have strangled that boy with my arthritic hands).

Oh how I long for the days of my youth when men with girlfriends used to tell me that "You're the kind of girl guys marry"!  I heard that at least twice.  Isn't that so nice?  Isn't that so weird in light of my current situation?  Even if it was code for guys won't date you because you're not a "loose woman", but they'll marry you once they've had they're fun- those guys should have had their fun by their mid thirties right?  But the real problem with that is why I would want a guy who'd been "spreading it all over town"?  Ick.

Nope, I'm going to end up with someone as dopey and wistfully hopeful as me.  Who's been waiting to commit to the right girl but is finding the selection so far to be most unacceptable.  Or a widow.  Those are my options.  

Profiles and Pictures That Need to Ignite ASAP.

First of all- one payment of $203.70 for 6 months?!?!  I am nothing if not stingy, but that's rough for anyone!  Well I can’t let this stop me from paying for a husband/series of terrible dates.  Right?

Luckily I felt very introspective as I answered the many questions about myself.  I think I came off as funny, a strong believer, an obsessive baker, a nerd (as Battlestar Galactica was in my top 3 TV shows), a wino and impatient with unreliable men.  In a word, I came off as ME!  We’ll see what the world of cybermen think about that.

My profile is now 98% complete (don't ask what I missed cuz I've got no clue) and I've "smiled" at some fellows, answered generic questions a few matches sent me and done some browsing among the selection of 67 matches.  Lots of cuties out there!  Am in com stage two with three men.  Things are moving rapidly I think.

Since I want this blog also to be about my experience as a single gal in her 30’s, I would like to take this opportunity to mention a lovely visit from my supercute landlord today.  Decked out in my ugliest Pjs with wild unkempt hair, I ventured out of my bedroom in the morning (er, 11am) to find Mr. installing a new intercom system in my entryway.  This is great news!  Now I can buzz up “Elaine and George” just like on the TV!  The interesting part though is when he tells me that a new business has finally moved in on the bottom floor.  A wedding photography business.  Not the worst news until I leave for the day and see three pictures of “happy couples” rubbing their happiness in my face in the window.  A window I’ll have to look at every DAY!  I think I’m going to name the couples so I can mentally belittle them when I need to.  Or give them an unhappy couple story so I don’t start and end the day with envy.  Humor is the salve of bitterness right?

Also on my mind is this six month commitment I’ve gotten myself into with this site.  I surprisingly suffer from bouts of mindless optimism, so I worry that I’ll shell out those bucks and then meet someone next week in real life.  I hate wasting money!

Before the Beginning Comes the This Part

So I’m going to seriously commit to online dating.  

The purpose of this blog is to write about my experiences for interested readers and to make the experience more interesting than it might turn out to be.  I love stories and I often think about my life as a story.  I once even found it helpful to imagine that my love life is like a really (really) long intro in a fairy tale.  Never having been in a relationship is like a spell that’s been cast over me and I’m waiting for that prince whose kiss will break it forever.  Oh yeah, that is a true fact right there.  I’ve done lots of smooching in these 31 years, but never had more than a few dates with any given man.  And I think of it as akin to a spell because I don’t feel like I’m running from good potentials.  None of them were ever even close to being right.

Online dating is super weird too.  I’m not that excited about it honestly and I’m not very confident that it will bear any fruit in the end.  But I think the experience will add to my story no matter what.  Dating is horrible, hilarious, unbearable, exciting, it destroys your self esteem and makes you dance like Gene Kelly down the street after a good date.   Writing about it will be therapeutic.  I hope that reading about it will be entertaining for everyone else.

So here I go!  Starting with that mulitmonth subscription for love and entertainment!  On to the profile writing!!!