Hoping for Surprises and Mayyybe Rethinking Settling.

Here’s something.  One man surpassed them all in the category of “hasn’t stopped all communication with me yet”.  He emailed me- twice!  I am almost impressed.  He hasn’t shown his sense of humor yet, but seems to be a nice guy with a bit of handsomeness thrown in the deal there.  He’s Indian too which would get me my awesome Baby of the Future should things work out.  But I’m not holding my breath. 

D’yall know that song with all the whistling called “Young Folks”?  There is a line in it that goes “Usually when things have gone this far, people tend to disappear.  No one will surprise me unless you do.”  That whole song is totally how I feel about dating.  It might not be the best approach to dating, but it’s just how I feel about it.  I’d rather not expect to be disappointed but it’s a nice idea that someone would stick around that I want to stick around, someone who gets to know me and is like “Yeah, she’s worth pursuing”.  To be surprised by someone liking me sounds pathetic… and amazing. 

I texted with that crazy-bearded musician today about hanging out when he’s in the country again.  That’s another something.  He had emailed me initially and told me that he thought of me while he was in India, since something reminded him of the play that we saw together.  That’s nice to hear!  But I’m counting on that as a real potential since he’s a touring musician more days out of the month than not.  But I’m expecting him to be able to tell me all the hotspots to visit when I’m in Nashville next month.  A musician that travels the world should be well acquainted with that town!

And on another note, I volunteered at a book swap put on by this nonprofit bookstore I LOVE and saw this book with the title “Marry Him, The Case for Settling for Good Enough”.  When I saw it I remarked “Geez that’s the saddest book I’ve ever seen in my life!”, then someone told me they heard that it was actually good.  So I verrrry stealthily added it to my collection of books that we were allowed to take.  On the bottom of the stack of course.  With my jacket thrown over the stack.  I’ve read the first several pages and think it might actually be useful to me, but is pretty offensive to my feminist tendencies.  I’m sure I’ll have more to say about it on this blog as I read further and have maybe more lackluster dates.  I bet you can’t hardly wait for that series of reflective rants!

Also on that night I met a guy while volunteering who seemed to hang around me a bit and laugh at my jokes.  When I said it was nice to meet him I could see his hands twitching and him reaching into his pocket and looking nervous.  I was probably imagining that he was too shy to ask for my number but it’s nice to suppose that he was.  I need to feel like I intimidate somebody with my charm and beauty!  Isn’t that normal? 

Complaining, Negativity and Restrained Violence.

I don’t know what to tell you.  It really feels like I didn’t start the year with a big “I am going to get real about dating online!” and a small shudder.  It feels a lot like last year when I was trying to meet men in real life.  Just more guys faking me out with interest online.  I do have to remind myself that unlike last year, this year I’ve been out with two Christian men in only three months.   Last year it was two for the whole year along with a few not Christian men (very pointless, but I was just glad to be in the saddle).

But really, how many more first dates do I want to go on?  Answer: JUST ONE MORE.  That’s what I want.  My last first date that leads into the second date, the eighth date, the two hundred and eleventh date where we need to arrange for a sitter that can handle all of the children we’re bound to make. 

  

Today I had brunch with some friends, a couple of whom I haven't seen in a while.  There was a round of "we're getting engaged soon!" and "I've been seeing this great guy!" from everyone with lots of questions typical of our gender.  But nobody asked me about my love life.  I was relieved in a way, since I was embarrassed to admit that nothing is happening- just like the last time you saw me.  Even so the fact that they didn't ask made me sad.  One girl remarked to another "Oh you're seeing someone? I was going to set you up with this great guy I know."  Yeah.  Thanks for not thinking of me, even though I'm sitting right across from you.  

Sometimes I think that if everyone I knew was in the exact same dating situation as me, that being single wouldn't be so terrible.  It’s comparing myself to others that makes me feel like a spinster.  On Easter this girl who looks like she’s barely twenty shares her testimony and is like “I got saved in September and in December I met this great godly man!  Just when you stop looking, you find it!”.  I wanted to get up and hit her in the face. But the quick onset of shame at such a reaction kept me in my chair.

Good thing Easter has passed and I get to drink again… 

...Sigh...

…Maybe I should keep an eye on myself here.