The Post Where Everything/Nothing Changes a Paragraph In.

Here we go again.  Again.  Again!!! 

The Skype guy has disappeared for (what is obviously now) forever.  He had his hernia surgery and wrote me to tell me that it hurt to stand up, I wrote right back and said that God must have wanted me to suffer with him since I threw my back out the day after his surgery.  I waited for his reply.  A week later, both worried that something happened in his recovery and worried that he was flaking on me, I checked his profile to see if he’d been active lately.  He’d been online only hours before.  My last email was on the 29^th and I haven’t heard back from him for just about two weeks now. 

Well… actually I had to jump on the “freesite” to check the date and guess the frack what?  He emailed me a couple of days ago.  Like a really long email.  BUT did not say anything like “Hey sorry it took me so long to respond”, but merely picked up like he didn’t miss eleven beats (days).  And it’s only long because he was telling me a mildly funny story about his bowel movements post surgery and to get all super analytical about a link I sent to him about rediscovering joy at church with a video of a worship band I thought was rad.  Apparently the website has a lot of other articles on it that are maybe questionable theologically.  He brought up all this stuff that didn’t have anything to do with what I had actually asked him to look at, and then asked me what I thought about several of these articles I don’t know anything about.

So right now I feel like he’s given me a lot of homework to do, just so I can respond with an educated opinion on these questions.  An opinion that might not be the same as his in every case.  My one hesitancy about this guy before The Great Silence was that he described himself as “very conservative” politically.  I tend to be middle-of-the-road to liberal myself so I was worried about when this would come up.  It coming up immediately following his offending me with his half-interest is totally not how I want to start the conversation.

What the heck do I do now?  I’m not good at pretending nothing ever made me upset.  That’s pretty much what took the wind out of my sails for that date where I was 100% sober. So do I tell him that he sucks?  Do I just try and get over the slight and start talking to him again?  Do I wait three weeks before responding to his email, just to get the hand?  I hate dating and boy do I hate long distance "not that into me" guys.  Thanks, but I can (and do) get that in my own city.

This is the part where you give me advice.

My First Second Virtual Date

***The below entry was written about a week ago, but I never got around to publishing it.  An update for the past week's happenings/ponderings will get posted soon enough.

All of the insecurity , uncertainty and cautious hope that I feel after a great first date are exactly all the same after a first Skype date.  We Skyped last Thursday and I didn’t hear from him Friday or Saturday, then couldn’t take it anymore so I sent him a quick email on Sunday, then heard back from him right away suggesting we Skype again this week.  Unlike my last in-person experience like this, he actually followed through with the second date!  But oh, the torments that he made me go through when he was three minutes late calling me!  It didn’t occur to me until 8:01pm that I might get stood up.  At 8:02 I started squirming.  And at 8:03 he called and immediately apologized for calling late.  And of course I had to laugh at him for being sorry like I hadn’t thought a thing of it.

Anyway, he’s really great!  We talked again for over two hours even though he had to get up at 4:00am to have a hernia surgery.  HERNIA SURGERY!  Maybe that’s a sign that he likes me?  We were having some video and sound problems, mostly on my end, and when his end cleared up he said “Well everything looks beautiful on my screen”.  Consequently, I’m sure that he saw me blushing at what seemed to be a slick compliment.

Last night I had a pretty vivid dream where I was woken up by him on Skype and he said that he’d rather not talk to me like this anymore but would rather email because somehow he didn’t feel like he was being himself with me.  In both mediums, but especially video chatting.  He did add, just to confuse me further, that he’d like to meet me in person soon.  In the dream I felt both disappointed in him and completely to blame for his attitude.  

I've maybe got some issues?  Ha!

If You Install Skype, He Will Come.

The last time I went home to California I had the privilege to hang out with some of the greatest people I’ve ever been friends with.  They are people that are on the same wave length as me, who inspire me and motivate me to be myself to the 100^th percent.  One friend called this bond “my people” and said that it was hard to find your people sometimes.  But when you do, you know it.  It’s like in Anne of Green Gables where she makes friends, even has a friend she loves very much, but sometimes finds those people she calls “kindred spirits”.  I’m still looking for my people here.   There are glimpses of it in acquaintances, but our generation is so busy that it’s hard to make new, true friends that stick.

And isn’t the dream that I could find a man whom I recognized as a kindred spirit, then grow a friendship that (hopefully) is leading to an exciting relationship?  Where are my kindred men?  Are they in Iowa?    

Yes, I do have a couple of updates from the world of online dating!  I have met or "met" both of the men I mentioned in my last post.  The one I met in person was the ethnic loving guy Forrest.  We ended up going out to breakfast on a Friday morning about a week ago.  Right off the bat I was feeling way more awkward than I usually do on dates, maybe mostly because I didn’t find him attractive in person.   I was hoping his personality would turn things around, but it didn’t.  He went on a lot of long monologues about things that I can’t even remember to describe to you.  And I was surprised to hear him mention that he was previously married and talked about his children that weren’t biologically his, but that he considered his own.  This was a surprise because he didn’t mention kids at all in his profile.  To be fair, it seemed like he was intentionally mentioning it since he knew I had no idea.  Anyway, it just wasn’t clicking.  Haven’t heard from him since either.  Whew!

The other guy, Brad, asked me if I wanted to Skype after we’d exchanged around fourteen emails since the beginning of June.  I’ve never Skyped before so I had to install it to make it happen.  How do you even have a first date on Skype?  People do this.  I have a friend who lives here that got to know her now boyfriend in Texas this way.  The combination of nervousness and a bit too much time on my hands caused me to flat iron my hair and thoroughly clean my bedroom where the Skyping would take place.  I realized when I finished that he would definitely not be seeing anything but the wall behind me.  But my hair looked great so at least that was a good move!  

We “met” last night at exactly 8pm (he was punctual, like to the minute.  Sweet!) and talked until around 10:15pm.  On my end I think it went very well!  He was incredibly cute in person and has the sweetest Midwestern accent that reminded me of Kevin Costner for some reason (Iowa cornfields maybe?).  We made each other laugh just as much in person as when we emailed.  And it was nice to see with the proof of his laughter that he thought I was funny!  I told him in an email that I was afraid that he’d be sitting in a leather armchair, in front of a fireplace, smoking a pipe with a Doberman napping at his feet on a bear skin rug.  He said he was afraid that I was a cannibalistic stalker, followed by assurances that he’d lost weight recently and would be much less tempting to murder than his pictures may lead me to believe.  Have I found a winner?  I hope so.  Hope?  It’s back!!! 

P.S. Somehow he went from being 38 to 40 years old! That's 8 years older than me!!!  He's lucky he's so likable or else that'd make me hesitate!   

My God's Shotgun Strikes Again

Behold, it is now six months from when I signed up for the not free site and gave them over $200 to help me meet men.  And hark!  Today is the day when I cancel my subscription (since I researched and found it will be automatically renewed “for my convenience”).  I have not met a single man in person for my money.  I have communicated, for various time-lengths, with dozens of men.  Emailed with two (technically) and had a phone call with zero.  I hereby declare this dating adventure to be a failure.  I am not a failure (I remind myself), but it is the site and the men on it who have failed me.  And maybe God chased them all away like a Dad with a shotgun yelling “Ain’t none of you boys good enough for my baby girl!”.  I don’t really think of God as a hillbilly, but I do wonder if all this is Him protecting me.

Can I just rant for a second about boring profiles?  I imagine some of these guys aren’t boring, it’s just that they don’t know how to express who they are and show their personality in their profile.  On either site (but more so on the not free one) it’s 90% guys who say that they are passionate about working out, are easy-going, like to have fun (really!),  loves to laugh (imagine!), looking for someone “genuine”/”down to earth” (who’s the opposite of the latter, really?) and so on.  The “Things I Can’t Live Without” section, to me, is begging to have something funny in it.  Not a space to list “air, water, food, health and shelter”.  That tells me nothing about you except that you are 100% a human being and 100% without a sense of humor.

The good news is that I’m communicating with one (er… two) interesting fellows on the free site.  The first lives in my area and is 39 (let’s call him Forrest).  When did seven years older than me become a reality in people I’d date?  I guess now it is.  As of today we have a coffee date next week!  The only thing about him (enter the “er…”) is that in his profile he mentions a couple of times how he likes ethnic girls who tend to be “browner”.  Cringe/that’s me!  In our emails though he seems way cooler than that bit, so we’ll see about that.

The other fellow (let’s call him Brad) lives in Iowa, but we’re having really great emails that are much longer than with Forrest.  He’s funnier, has more interesting spiritual things to say and is a nice 38 years old.  Okay that last part isn’t a big deal. I mean, I'd date George Clooney no matter what age either of us were!

Reaching for the Stars!

Hey!  Remember me?  I’m slacking on my posts so bad, I don’t even know if I have any readers left.  But really, sadly, frustratingly, there has been no goings on in my dating life- online or off.  I’m still emailing that Indian guy, but I’m not that excited about it.  He isn’t really funny at all, and his emails are pretty long so there’s certainly the space for a joke or two.  His last email I just replied to today which was over a week later.  The reason for that was mainly that he didn’t ask me one question in the email so I didn’t really know what to say besides commenting again on the things he was commenting on that I’d said previously.  Ugh.

In real life there has been two minor flutterings of potential suitors.  When I say minor, I mean it’s likely that I’m imagining the slight indication of interest that’s been expressed.  The first guy is a guy at my church.  I served with him at this big volunteer for the city event and we picked up trash in the same group.  Didn’t exchange more than a couple of words, but I knew who he was.  He popped up a few more times since he was really involved and then one day I heard he was an Elder at church because they wanted to have one single person on the staff.  Interesting fellow.  My heart went pitter patter for real when he spoke briefly at the singles retreat last year.  He waved hello at me that weekend.  Then just recently he was- surprise!- a speaking pastor at my church!  My only thought really was that I get to look at him more often and get to know him in this pulpit way.  But we talked three (three!) separate times last Sunday and he can be quoted as saying “Angelina!  You have to go to the retreat this year!!!”.  The only thing is, I got my first good look at his eyebrows and I think he paints them on since his real ones are very thin.  Strange, but something I could live with,e specially since he's a looker otherwise. I could totally be a pastor’s wife.  Right after I become a better Christian.

The second guy is even more of a long shot.  He’s a customer at my work.  He’s a teacher of special ed teens and teaches them how to shop and compare prices- a life skills sort of thing.  The first time I talked to him I just asked what he was up to with all the kids walking around with work sheets.  He leaned in a little close to me and told me about it.  Discreet!  He shops with them once a week and has since then made it a point to say hello to me and come through my line if I’m up there.  We talk about cooking mainly, since its something we both really enjoy.  Did I mention that he’s kind of dreamy?  I was a total creep and got a look at his ID when he got his card out.  Just a year older than me.  Perfect!  Now if I can just bring up this Jesus business to either properly scare him off or make him more interested.  Tricky.  Maybe like “Oh you’re cooking quinoa for the first time?  A personal relationship with Jesus is my best tip for making it come out perfectly.”  Something like that?

Hoping for Surprises and Mayyybe Rethinking Settling.

Here’s something.  One man surpassed them all in the category of “hasn’t stopped all communication with me yet”.  He emailed me- twice!  I am almost impressed.  He hasn’t shown his sense of humor yet, but seems to be a nice guy with a bit of handsomeness thrown in the deal there.  He’s Indian too which would get me my awesome Baby of the Future should things work out.  But I’m not holding my breath. 

D’yall know that song with all the whistling called “Young Folks”?  There is a line in it that goes “Usually when things have gone this far, people tend to disappear.  No one will surprise me unless you do.”  That whole song is totally how I feel about dating.  It might not be the best approach to dating, but it’s just how I feel about it.  I’d rather not expect to be disappointed but it’s a nice idea that someone would stick around that I want to stick around, someone who gets to know me and is like “Yeah, she’s worth pursuing”.  To be surprised by someone liking me sounds pathetic… and amazing. 

I texted with that crazy-bearded musician today about hanging out when he’s in the country again.  That’s another something.  He had emailed me initially and told me that he thought of me while he was in India, since something reminded him of the play that we saw together.  That’s nice to hear!  But I’m counting on that as a real potential since he’s a touring musician more days out of the month than not.  But I’m expecting him to be able to tell me all the hotspots to visit when I’m in Nashville next month.  A musician that travels the world should be well acquainted with that town!

And on another note, I volunteered at a book swap put on by this nonprofit bookstore I LOVE and saw this book with the title “Marry Him, The Case for Settling for Good Enough”.  When I saw it I remarked “Geez that’s the saddest book I’ve ever seen in my life!”, then someone told me they heard that it was actually good.  So I verrrry stealthily added it to my collection of books that we were allowed to take.  On the bottom of the stack of course.  With my jacket thrown over the stack.  I’ve read the first several pages and think it might actually be useful to me, but is pretty offensive to my feminist tendencies.  I’m sure I’ll have more to say about it on this blog as I read further and have maybe more lackluster dates.  I bet you can’t hardly wait for that series of reflective rants!

Also on that night I met a guy while volunteering who seemed to hang around me a bit and laugh at my jokes.  When I said it was nice to meet him I could see his hands twitching and him reaching into his pocket and looking nervous.  I was probably imagining that he was too shy to ask for my number but it’s nice to suppose that he was.  I need to feel like I intimidate somebody with my charm and beauty!  Isn’t that normal? 

Complaining, Negativity and Restrained Violence.

I don’t know what to tell you.  It really feels like I didn’t start the year with a big “I am going to get real about dating online!” and a small shudder.  It feels a lot like last year when I was trying to meet men in real life.  Just more guys faking me out with interest online.  I do have to remind myself that unlike last year, this year I’ve been out with two Christian men in only three months.   Last year it was two for the whole year along with a few not Christian men (very pointless, but I was just glad to be in the saddle).

But really, how many more first dates do I want to go on?  Answer: JUST ONE MORE.  That’s what I want.  My last first date that leads into the second date, the eighth date, the two hundred and eleventh date where we need to arrange for a sitter that can handle all of the children we’re bound to make. 

  

Today I had brunch with some friends, a couple of whom I haven't seen in a while.  There was a round of "we're getting engaged soon!" and "I've been seeing this great guy!" from everyone with lots of questions typical of our gender.  But nobody asked me about my love life.  I was relieved in a way, since I was embarrassed to admit that nothing is happening- just like the last time you saw me.  Even so the fact that they didn't ask made me sad.  One girl remarked to another "Oh you're seeing someone? I was going to set you up with this great guy I know."  Yeah.  Thanks for not thinking of me, even though I'm sitting right across from you.  

Sometimes I think that if everyone I knew was in the exact same dating situation as me, that being single wouldn't be so terrible.  It’s comparing myself to others that makes me feel like a spinster.  On Easter this girl who looks like she’s barely twenty shares her testimony and is like “I got saved in September and in December I met this great godly man!  Just when you stop looking, you find it!”.  I wanted to get up and hit her in the face. But the quick onset of shame at such a reaction kept me in my chair.

Good thing Easter has passed and I get to drink again… 

...Sigh...

…Maybe I should keep an eye on myself here.

Boozeless and Useless Dates

What a strange couple of weeks since my last post!  For those of you who haven’t heard this from me in person, I gave up alcohol for Lent.  I’m normally a very enthusiastic moderate drinker but I find that I rely too often on booze to deal with such a life as mine.  Funny enough I was thinking about all of the reasons I feel like “I need a drink!” and since Lent started I’ve had to experience 9 out of 10 of said reasons.  Please have a look into my psychosis:

Things that make me want to drink
1) Going away parties at a bar
2) First dates
3) Waiting for a “him” to call anxiety
4) Ladies night with trashy TV
5) Brunch (Bloody Maryyyyyys!)
6) Getting dumped
7) Bachelorette Parties
8) Weddings
9) Stressful days at work
10) Making myself a nice dinner.  Wine just completes it.  Duh.

The last time I posted I was all skittish about whether I was going to be asked out again (#2 having occurred, #3 in the middle of) by the most current man.  Well he finally did and we went out on Saturday.  But it was totally strange between when he asked me (Wednesday) and Saturday  because I had no idea what we were doing, only that he said he’d think of “something interesting”.  Strange because I didn’t hear from him until 40 minutes after I got out of work and I had spent the whole day in a state of anxiety about whether I was getting stood up.  I texted him on my lunch break and he didn’t even respond to that, so I left work expecting to spend the evening alone and trying to distract myself.  I thought, “Well getting stood up IS interesting.  Maybe that’s what he meant.”  When he did finally contact me it was to tell me that he couldn’t think of anything and asked me what I wanted to do.  Major let down.  But I still went out with him, just less enthused about the outing, which must have been apparent because it’s nearly a week later and I haven’t heard from him again (hello #6).

The other parts of my drinking list are pretty self explanatory, only #8 hasn’t happened yet, but it will soon after Lent ends (hence #7 where I gave myself a mini pass to have a champagne toast with my engaged pal).  Every other situation I’ve handled pretty well I’m proud to say. We'll see how hard I hit the bottle after I've been on a few more useless dates.  

I Hate Dating. Part One.

I’m not sure I’ve ever been on a date with someone who seemed as nervous and insecure as I always feel on dates.  I usually loosen up pretty quickly, but with my date on Thursday I just felt anxious the whole time.  I think things went well for a few reasons despite the nerves.  First, we ate dinner for two hours and talked pretty easily the whole time.  The conversation was terrific- just a hint of nervous energy in the air- and he didn’t seem in a hurry to leave at all.  Second, after dinner he was kind of like “what do you wanna do now?” instead of “nice meeting you, take care”.  We walked the long way to our separate bus/train and talked some more.  And third, he said “we should do this again sometime” at our parting (to which I literally said “yes please”).

But I’m also worried that it didn’t go well for a few reasons.  First, I was in high ditz form that night and said some airheaded things.  Second, I sort of criticized him when he was telling me how horrible of a parent the woman was that he was a nanny for, saying that it must be really hard being a single mom.   And third, at one point when we were deciding what to eat I said “Oh but you don’t like fish right?... Was that you?”.  Doh!  I don’t know if he caught that one though.  And he said likes fish sometimes, so that was some other profile I was reading.  Why can’t I control the things that come out of my mouth?  Geez!

… Hold the phone.  In my shame I just jumped on the freesite to confirm whether he had said he hated fish and HE DID SAY THAT.  That only makes half of what I said dumbass-y.  But I also saw something I wish I hadn’t.  Him online at that exact moment!  This makes me squirmy because of an additional bit of info I have yet to disclose which is the exchanging of texts since our date.  Today and yesterday we’ve texted but he hasn’t taken the initiative to ask me out again yet and I’m too traditional and stubborn to ask him myself.  So he’s online either to read my hilarious emails to him for the millionth time or he’s checking out more girls.

 And THIS is why online dating is sucky.  Everyone’s playing the field.  What I want after a great first date is for a guy to be like “Wow, she was great!  I’ve got to make plans to see her again, and soon!”, not “I liked her okay, but maybe something better is just around the corner.  I’ll call her in a week just to keep her around.”  After my date with this guy I found all of the other guys I’ve been communicating with to be much less interesting.  Why can’t that be a two way street?   

A Suitor Steps Up, Another Sits Down, Still Others Begin A-Stirrin'

There’s a new guy as of maybe a week ago.  Again, from the freesite (what!).  He’s an ex-missionary who was a live in nanny over the last year and now works at a “high end burger joint”.  He’s a year older than me and is pretending to shave his beard with an axe in his profile picture.  We emailed a few times and now have a date scheduled for tomorrow night!  He’s actually really funny (finally!) and is taking me for some free food adventures on Michigan Avenue.  I’m excited but also worried that I won’t be attracted to him in person.  It’s even harder to tell what he looks like now since he said he shaved his beard.  What would be worse though is if I like him a lot and he’s not into me at all.  That is a familiar scenario! 

Sometimes I wonder if I’m attracted to guys who don’t really seem that interested in dating me.  This reminds me of a story… I had this great friend who tried to set me up with two different Christian men that he knew.  The first is a story for another time.  The second guy I was supposed to meet at a concert that our mutual friend was performing.  I brought a wing-girl, and thank goodness I did because he never showed up! Later I recounted my disappointment to someone and said “Well he seems to care little about me, so it sounds like he’s definitely my type!”.  True story.

On the site that I paid good money to match me with menfolk there has been another dead end with the latest man to advance through Guided Communication.  The step that required effort slowed another Romeo from climbing my up balcony.  But a few new men started the process so the odds are one of them will come through standing.

BUT!  If this date tomorrow goes well then maybe I don’t have to worry about any of those laggers! 

Wish me luck!

Contents Include: Kittens and The Date Where Someone Else "Did It".

In the past couple of weeks not a whole lot has happened, but here is the briefing:

Crazy-looking bearded guy finally wrote me again after our first date saying we should hang out again when he’s in town.  I said “Sure!” and am waiting for a follow up email.  I’m not all giddy like I would have been for a second date with "Mark" (see Three Men and a Maybe post), but he seems like an interesting fellow and it can’t hurt anything to get to know him better.

On the not-free site there has been another “guided communication” with a new man.  His profile pic has him lying with a kitten snuggling up under his neck.  A cheap shot on his end?  Yes.  Effective?  Yes.  We’ll have to see if he makes it past the last phase where I lost the other guys.  I’m also rethinking my standard question about what is his relationship with money.  I’m afraid it has had the opposite effect where men think I want them to have lots of money to spend on me.  How do I take that one back with the guys it maybe drove away?  Can’t.  But I can’t worry about it either; I can just ask a better question.  Money is really personal anyhow, so maybe it was too soon to ask something like that.

The one guy who made it past the money question and whose first email to me I grumbled about on my last post still hasn’t phoned me.  So what I did was use the “Secure call” feature to give him my number instead of calling him like he asked.  Can’t worry about that one too much either.

But tonight I am going on a date!  A friend date…

*Argh!  I wrote that last line and then went away to Indiana for the weekend.  Without my computer for 24 hours was megasweet!* 

Anywho, my friend date was with my male friend/exroommate/notpotentialboyfriend.  We saw “Spring Awakening” which is a musical play about sex and being a teenager.  The man that did the music is my dream husband Duncan Sheik so I’ve wanted to see it since I heard about it (years ago!).  I found two incredibly cheap tickets almost a month ago and the closer it got to the day the more I worried about who to invite.  I invited my buddy because he isn’t a Christian and likes things like this and also would be reliable for good conversation about it afterward.  I realized that a sex-themed play of uncertain levels of graphicness would not be good for a real date.  But I’d find out real quick how stodgy a guy is by sitting next to him during this play!  My dude friend was the right choice, even if he did giggle during the sex scene.  My ideal man would love engaging in art with an open mind and an analytical eye.  And if he shielded his eyes from the sex scene then I’d know I had a keeper!

Loving People. Especially Dream Man if He Shows Up.

Happy Valentines Day!  It’s 8pm and I’m about to go to sleep.  Because A) I’m working my third 5am shift in a row tomorrow and B) because I don’t have a good reason to stay up late and lose sleep.  I am a single girl on a couple’s holiday.  I am the girl who bought a bottle of Anniversary Ale (potent beer) and a bottle of Red Wine.  I am the girl who bought herself flowers and chocolate-based dessert.  I am the girl who has never had a honey on this day of the year.  But I am also the girl who went on with her day, felt especially flirted with by one of her managers, who taught her roommate to make guacamole and then made him a rosemary sparkling soda, who ate leftover BBQ Pulled Pork sandwich for dinner and drank 1.5 glasses of wine while watching a slasher movie, then ate that chocolatey dessert with fresh blueberries.  Mmm.

It’s funny that the above manager said he didn’t understand why any girls were single, as if anyone tolerable-looking would have dozens of men waiting earnestly for her to answer his calls.  It’s also funny that he was all complainy about being single and how there were so few single girls at work, yet I didn’t feel that upset today about my lack of prospects.  It didn’t even bring me down or tempt me to complain that our boss hired nearly all taken men too.  Good day I think.  Flowers were cut for three water glasses that I placed around the house for my roommates to enjoy.  I’m spreading love around.  Because why not?

And yes I realize that my manager was being way obvious.  But he’s a sweetheart, so it’s not creepy.  It is disappointing and not at all tempting since he is highly, highly not my type.  Too bad.

Time for bed where hopefully Joseph Gordon-Levitt will be waiting for me.  In my dreams I mean.  Not in my bed.  Though I really really wouldn’t mind if that’s a part of my dream.  

The Best Bad Date Pay-off To Look Forward To.

Oh Lord.  Lord, can I just ask for some fellows on either of these sites to respond to me and be not completely weird?  I’m not showing my weird card at least until the first date (where it will be impossible to hide anyhow).  There are cool guys out there.  Somewhere.  Some of them are online.  Please help them to see what an awesome dame you’ve created here.  I’m usually pretty great.  I don’t need to settle for weirdoes because you have someone for me that I don’t have to convince myself to like.  Thanks Lord.  I know you’re taking care of me here, so that’s pretty comforting.

Strange man #1: Writes me on the FreeSite the following- “If I may be so bold, I think you are absolutely gorgeous! My name is *bleep*, May I take you to dinner please?”.  Provocative and bold indeed.  He gets “better” in his profile where he writes things like

“My heart jumps with a moment of passion. My eyes get lost into her gaze and my mind wanders into endless possibilities. I dream poetically and passionately, of her soft tender touch. My lips quiver with the desire for her kiss. I need her, I want her, I desire her.”

And “I am drawn towards people who are successful and not kicking sh*taround in a back alley dump.”

What a darling weirdo.  I almost want to have dinner with him just so I can write about how crazy that experience would be.  But I’m not going to due to the not unlikely chance that I’ll end up having to smack him in the face within the first five minutes of dinner.  Conversely that situation makes it still tempting since I think he could use that or a drink thrown in the face.  Really the more I talk about it the more I just want to throw my drink in someone’s face.  If I’m lucky I’ll get the chance while I’m still single.

Strange man #2: On the not free site one of the original men I communicated with has finally completed the last part of guided communication with me and immediately wrote “it’s time to speak.  What’s your number?  Alternatively, feel free to call me anytime at…”. 

Sigh.

Can you be at least a little conversational there?  Your first email to me sounds like a robot asking me for a phone date.  *robot voice* “It is time to communicate over the telephone.  Please contact me at your convenience for a verbal scanning of our compatibility”.  *end robot voice*

Again.  Lord.  Please.  Help me out a little here.

The Trouble with Grammar and Gorgeous Guys

I just got matched with a guy who has many marks against him just for the careless manner in which he wrote his profile.  He’s 31, a truck driver and has yet to learn the difference between “then” and “than”, spelled “probably” as “probally”, never uses spaces after periods or commas, and not only used “lol” lowercased but attached it to the end of “I try to make the world a better place lol!”.

Aaaaaand… I “smiled” at him.  Don’t look at me like that!  He’s unspeakably adorable!  That smile!  A picture of him playing with a dog!  Another of him in a suit!  Who was it that said “A well tailored suit is to a woman what lingerie is to a man”?  True stuff those words.  I think he looks like a nice man.  I’m certain that I make punctuation mistakes all the time.  I’m only one step ahead of him in knowing when to use “it’s” instead of “its”.  Maybe he doesn’t talk much.  Maybe I can just take him places and get to look at him all the time.  

A Date, a Dream and a Dread.

Welp, I met the crazy-looking musician.  Fake name uh… Joe.  He was actually pretty cool!  I didn’t feel very much romantic whirlyness but he was interesting and maybe a little shy.  We saw this comedy play called The Foreigner and I was kind of charmed by the fact that he was laughing louder and more often throughout the play than anyone else there.  Thankfully we got there early so we had time to chat and get to know each other.  Date highlight: Joe had this necklace with a tiny harmonica on it and I said it reminded me of those old cartoons where the Saint Bernard had the hot chocolate barrel on his collar.  He laughed and said something like “This man needs some rhythm STAT!”.  Good times. He ended the night with the ol’ “Let’s do this again soon” which was received with cheerful support by myself.  This of course, does not mean I’ll ever see or hear from him again so I’m just going on with my life and trying not to think about it! 

But of course I’m still thinking about boys because I am essentially still a 16 year-old girl.  There are even a few real life (not online) boys that I talk to sometimes at church.  One is Asian so of course I prefer him over my usual skinny white & bearded type, but only mainly because I would love a completely racially confused baby.  I’m half Hispanic and half White, so that would be like the greatest baby ever.  Like the baby of the future.  Just without the jet pack and self changing diaper. 

On another note, the day dreaded by all singletons is waiting crouched behind a corner with a big “nobody loves me” hammer, just waiting to wail on me for one special day.  This month has already produced three different engagements of friends of mine.  This month.  THREE.  It’s five days into the month!  How does this happen all the time?  Where are people meeting people?  How are people keeping other people interested in them?  I feel like I’m missing something, like I was sick the day they taught everyone how to date in high school.  I don’t even know how (and especially not when) to graciously let a guy pay for stuff.   Ooh!  Storytime!

Once upon a time I met a guy at a “Thirtysomethings” gathering at my church.  We hit it off, I get home and find a friend request from him on FB and an email asking if I’d like to get “coffee or something”.  That turns to dinner at a fancy taqueria, but one where you order at the register and then have your food brought to you.  I step up to order and the lady asks ME if we are on separate checks.  He’s standing back and doesn’t hear so I look at her and whisper “I don’t know!  Uh…… no?”.  So I got to be the awesome girl who made her maybedate pay for her.  He never asked me out again, but did give me the ol’ “Let’s do this again soon”.  The End.  

Three Men and a Maybe

This is pretty great.  So I've been on this other FREE dating site for maybe a year now and have met two and a half men on there (more on that later) and have now secured an evening out with this crazy hippy looking blues musician who said he was floored by my profile.  I'd mentioned a handful of my interests on my profile and as he read it realized that he was enjoying about four different things that I enjoyed at that exact moment (basically a specific book, beverage, wine and food).  But he looks like a hippy lunatic (which is strangely sometimes my type) and is very often out of town/the country on "gigs" and understandably is therefore just looking for friends only.  Fine by me.  I just wanna be “out there” and doing stuff!  More new men in my life will at least keep me optimistic, even if we’re just drinking coffees and going to the theatre.  Which is what was proposed actually, so he’ll at least be a person that I can get to accompany me to all these plays I’m always wanting to see! 

Oh I guess I can follow up immediately on the 2.5 men statement above.  The first guy I met was when I was trying to utilize the site to meet “new Christian man friends”.  He wasn’t very attractive to be quite frank, but he was wanting to get back into church again and I felt it my responsibility to befriend him.  He also seemed like someone I might enjoy as a friend.  Then he got really weird on me after hanging out a couple of times and I found myself (possibly irrationally) afraid of him.  Haven’t seen him since.  

Second guy was someone we’ll call Mark.  He was overwhelmingly my type (which never never happens!) and asked if I wanted to grab a beer within his first email.  We went out once and I thought everything went perfectly, I even nearly embraced a stranger while gliding down the street in bliss on the way home.  Mark asked me to call him next week.  I texted him the next day (bad idea?) thanking him for the drink and wishing him a grand weekend.  Never heard from him.  I rallied all courage to call him and plainly ask him out again- got voicemail.  He texted back saying we should make plans for such and such day.  The day comes and he’s feeling too tired.  I text have a good night’s rest or something and wait for a follow up from him.  It never comes and I am done putting myself out there.  Ouch.

The half guy I’ll call Luke.  This guy’s profile pic has him in suspenders with a really awesome red and white beard (you’d have to see it) and glasses.  I look it over and think that he’s a little too hip and good looking for me.  Then I see him at a Resurrection Dance Party on Easter (true thing) and it takes me a while to place him.  I get home and look at this site to be sure and- yup that’s him!  He noticed me notice him so I emailed him on there saying “I knew I recongnized you!”.  We emailed a bit and he made a failed effort or two to come out to a couple of group things that I organized.  We’ve still never actually met.  I’ve even been in the same room with him at a baptism picnic but was too terrified of him to go up and say hello.  I don’t even know if he saw me there.  He likes things I say on Facebook sometimes.  Has made no effort on his part to try and meet me for real.  And though we have mutual friends and may meet one day, his lack of urgency makes me pretty unhopeful of a romantic attachment.

Step right up third and a half man!    

A Terrifying Day Trip, Easy Bravery and Filler Posts

Is it possible to be pessimistic and optimistic at the same time?  If you read my last entry I think I did an excellent job of representing both camps.  Despite being the day of the most epic snowstorm that we’ve seen so far this year, my birthday turned out well enough.  Two of my trusty male friends braved the snow to show up for dinner and another friend made a later appearance to show her support of my advancing age.  It was a good birthday after all!  I treated my nerd self to an afternoon at the Museum of Science and Industry and on the drive home found a new appreciation for life while driving in a blizzard on the highway.  I kissed my threshold and then spent the rest of the day cooking for the one to six people that might show up.  This is the dessert I made: http://www.thekitchn.com/recipe-sticky-spiked-doubleapp-66619.  Honestly even if it was a terrible day, ending it with this and a DVD would have been amazing. 

In the online dating category there has been absolutely no activity.  I tried to expand my criteria and am now open to being rejected by men as far as 60 miles away.  Maybe that will bear more fruit!  Also my race preferences have been expanded to include Pygmies and human-animal hybrids so there’s that too.   Like always “I’ll just wait and see”.  I did email another man who updated his profile to say his account was expiring soon.  He seemed really funny and into the whole Jesus thing like me so I thought why not?  I hadn’t contacted him yet for two reasons.  First, that he was too good-looking.  I don’t know why I have a heart shrug when I see those guys.  Maybe I just have poor self esteem and confident people intimidate me.  Second reason is that unfortunately I get to see who has viewed my profile and it shows that he saw mine over a week ago and chose not to contact me.  The great thing about online dating is that getting rejected when you put yourself out there is easier to deal with because it’s not someone you’ll be likely ever to see again and really not someone you’ve seen ever anyway.  It costs little to be brave and that’s awesome.

If there is continued inactivity I think I’ll write you all some charming anecdotes from my dating life so far.  And if it lasts longer than the material I have I’ll post some clips from past journal entries that I think are funny.  If it lasts longer than THAT material I’m just going to post about what I’m having to eat for every meal of the day.  Any longer than that and… well no, that could go on for years.  

Nobody's Coming to My Turkey Curry Birthday Buffet and It's Okay

My Birthday is in two hours.  My 32^nd birthday.  For a while I was trying to come up with a Bridget Jones’ Diary themed day, but couldn’t come up with much besides watching Fatal Attraction and drinking vodka, then listening to some Celine Dion/Chaka Khan.  If you didn’t know, Bridget spends most of the year as a 32 year old single during the course of the movie.  The best I could come up with was hosting a dinner party like she did on her birthday (though technically her 33^rd) and cook for my closest friends here.  The trouble with that is that all of my friends are either busy or aren’t quite sure they can come.  But the fact that this makes me feel like a loser also draws my attention to the counter-fact that every birthday I’ve ever had has been with friends.  And a good bunch of them at that!  I’m luckier in that respect I guess.

So at this moment I am sipping a good scotch while under  a blanket (it’s 6 degrees out there!) and thinking maybe tomorrow won’t be so bad after all.

This brings me to my next thought.  A few years ago I stopped complaining about getting older.  I feel like this way of thinking about age is taught to us by our society.  We should lie about our age, we should worry that we’re starting to look old.  But for some reason I started thinking about people who die young.  They would love to be turning 32 and would see extended life as a gift.  It is terribly selfish to be mourning the addition of another year to your age!  I’m lucky to be 32!  I’ll be lucky to be 40 too!!!  Sure I have all the fears that single people get to have about getting older (babies?  Thinning pool of never-divorced men?) but I have to remind myself that this is not all that life is about.  Maybe I should be reminding some of my family members about that too.  Life!  When you get older there’s just more to love!!!   

*Also small datingsite update: A man named Angel emailed me.  Seems nice, looks a bit crazy.  But the main problem of course is his name.  If you know mine you know what I'm talking about.

Mild Impatience, an Endorsement and Wild Speculation

I haven’t written in a few days because… well not much has happened with the fellas.  I’m new to this so I’m all responding in a timely manner like an eager puppy (a punctual puppy if you will) and now that the process is requiring more than a few clicks, the dudes are dawdling.  It is kind of disappointing but I have no idea what is normal on this site.  I don’t feel like I’m getting anywhere and my subscription is almost 1/6^th over!  A darling friend of mine said she is praying that I’ll meet someone quickly on this site just like she did.  I laughed and was encouraged when she also said that every time her husband does something great for her she thinks “Best $200 I ever spent!”.  Awesome. 

Wait a minute.   I’ve just realized that you can skip guided communication all together and just start emailing right away!  Why wasn’t that totally clear from the start?  But of course I immediately wonder why nobody is emailing me.  Apparently my mysterious magic man demagnetism  is powerful enough to traverse the interweb!  Impressive powers I have.  I’m staying positive though because 1) the alternative is unacceptable 2) I’ve still got 5 months where anything could happen and 3) I don’t actually believe I repel men.  It’s a spell a wicked witch put on me remember?  Or a part of God’s master plan.  Ooh!  Or both!!!  

Lots of "Fit" Fellas and Longing for More Periods.

Oy, I’ve looked at so many profiles that I can’t even tell who’s good looking anymore.  Guys with way too many exclamation points became the unattractive ones.  Guys whose “Can’t stands” that they sent me included “people who are excessively overweight”.  This is over choices like “racist”, “suffering from addictions” and “mean-spirited”.  Guys who list “America” as one of the top three things that they are thankful for.  America’s great for lots of reasons, but we’re pretty messed up in just as many ways thank you very much.  And can I just say that way too many men love working out/staying fit?  For what?  For your horrible shirtless shot where I “get to see” your abs?  The exercise I get is at work, a ridiculous amount of walking and stirring a thick batch of cookie dough.  In this way I am not compatible with tons of Christian men in Chicago.  I’m also suspicious that men want a partner who shares their value in exercise because they (unlike above man) are too polite to say they don’t want to date a big chick.

This whole process is kind of strange so far.  “Guided Communication”, as they call it, starts with three questions you’d like to ask (selected from a set list), then moves on to “Must Haves and Can’t Stands”, afterwards leading into the “Open-ended Questions” that you have the power to write yourself or to just again pick from a list.  I’m at OEQ with two men now and I asked them both two self-written questions: “What is your relationship with money?  Do you consider yourself frugal or do you often treat yourself to nicer things?” and “What are some of your favorite TV shows?”  Men who have a lot of money and spend it on themselves ick me out.  So here’s a way to see what’s up there.  And I love good TV and my ideal match would have the same taste in shows as me.  The last question I chose from the list and it said something like “When it comes to your career, are you doing what you love?  If not, what would you rather be doing?” .  I think that is a great question!  Tell me your dreams stranger!

Recurring Wifeyness

I'm not a wife.  Never have been.  But this fact does not stop my coworkers from thinking that I am married.  I've heard this more now that I'm older with the reasoning of "You just act like a wife" (today's gem), "You just seem very sure of yourself, like you know who you are" (how nice, though from a lady) and "Well I'd be married if I was your age" (I may or may not have strangled that boy with my arthritic hands).

Oh how I long for the days of my youth when men with girlfriends used to tell me that "You're the kind of girl guys marry"!  I heard that at least twice.  Isn't that so nice?  Isn't that so weird in light of my current situation?  Even if it was code for guys won't date you because you're not a "loose woman", but they'll marry you once they've had they're fun- those guys should have had their fun by their mid thirties right?  But the real problem with that is why I would want a guy who'd been "spreading it all over town"?  Ick.

Nope, I'm going to end up with someone as dopey and wistfully hopeful as me.  Who's been waiting to commit to the right girl but is finding the selection so far to be most unacceptable.  Or a widow.  Those are my options.  

Profiles and Pictures That Need to Ignite ASAP.

First of all- one payment of $203.70 for 6 months?!?!  I am nothing if not stingy, but that's rough for anyone!  Well I can’t let this stop me from paying for a husband/series of terrible dates.  Right?

Luckily I felt very introspective as I answered the many questions about myself.  I think I came off as funny, a strong believer, an obsessive baker, a nerd (as Battlestar Galactica was in my top 3 TV shows), a wino and impatient with unreliable men.  In a word, I came off as ME!  We’ll see what the world of cybermen think about that.

My profile is now 98% complete (don't ask what I missed cuz I've got no clue) and I've "smiled" at some fellows, answered generic questions a few matches sent me and done some browsing among the selection of 67 matches.  Lots of cuties out there!  Am in com stage two with three men.  Things are moving rapidly I think.

Since I want this blog also to be about my experience as a single gal in her 30’s, I would like to take this opportunity to mention a lovely visit from my supercute landlord today.  Decked out in my ugliest Pjs with wild unkempt hair, I ventured out of my bedroom in the morning (er, 11am) to find Mr. installing a new intercom system in my entryway.  This is great news!  Now I can buzz up “Elaine and George” just like on the TV!  The interesting part though is when he tells me that a new business has finally moved in on the bottom floor.  A wedding photography business.  Not the worst news until I leave for the day and see three pictures of “happy couples” rubbing their happiness in my face in the window.  A window I’ll have to look at every DAY!  I think I’m going to name the couples so I can mentally belittle them when I need to.  Or give them an unhappy couple story so I don’t start and end the day with envy.  Humor is the salve of bitterness right?

Also on my mind is this six month commitment I’ve gotten myself into with this site.  I surprisingly suffer from bouts of mindless optimism, so I worry that I’ll shell out those bucks and then meet someone next week in real life.  I hate wasting money!

Before the Beginning Comes the This Part

So I’m going to seriously commit to online dating.  

The purpose of this blog is to write about my experiences for interested readers and to make the experience more interesting than it might turn out to be.  I love stories and I often think about my life as a story.  I once even found it helpful to imagine that my love life is like a really (really) long intro in a fairy tale.  Never having been in a relationship is like a spell that’s been cast over me and I’m waiting for that prince whose kiss will break it forever.  Oh yeah, that is a true fact right there.  I’ve done lots of smooching in these 31 years, but never had more than a few dates with any given man.  And I think of it as akin to a spell because I don’t feel like I’m running from good potentials.  None of them were ever even close to being right.

Online dating is super weird too.  I’m not that excited about it honestly and I’m not very confident that it will bear any fruit in the end.  But I think the experience will add to my story no matter what.  Dating is horrible, hilarious, unbearable, exciting, it destroys your self esteem and makes you dance like Gene Kelly down the street after a good date.   Writing about it will be therapeutic.  I hope that reading about it will be entertaining for everyone else.

So here I go!  Starting with that mulitmonth subscription for love and entertainment!  On to the profile writing!!!