I don’t know what to tell you. It really feels like I didn’t start the year with a big “I am going to get real about dating online!” and a small shudder. It feels a lot like last year when I was trying to meet men in real life. Just more guys faking me out with interest online. I do have to remind myself that unlike last year, this year I’ve been out with two Christian men in only three months. Last year it was two for the whole year along with a few not Christian men (very pointless, but I was just glad to be in the saddle).
But really, how many more first dates do I want to go on? Answer: JUST ONE MORE. That’s what I want. My last first date that leads into the second date, the eighth date, the two hundred and eleventh date where we need to arrange for a sitter that can handle all of the children we’re bound to make.
Today I had brunch with some friends, a couple of whom I haven't seen in a while. There was a round of "we're getting engaged soon!" and "I've been seeing this great guy!" from everyone with lots of questions typical of our gender. But nobody asked me about my love life. I was relieved in a way, since I was embarrassed to admit that nothing is happening- just like the last time you saw me. Even so the fact that they didn't ask made me sad. One girl remarked to another "Oh you're seeing someone? I was going to set you up with this great guy I know." Yeah. Thanks for not thinking of me, even though I'm sitting right across from you.
Sometimes I think that if everyone I knew was in the exact same dating situation as me, that being single wouldn't be so terrible. It’s comparing myself to others that makes me feel like a spinster. On Easter this girl who looks like she’s barely twenty shares her testimony and is like “I got saved in September and in December I met this great godly man! Just when you stop looking, you find it!”. I wanted to get up and hit her in the face. But the quick onset of shame at such a reaction kept me in my chair.
Good thing Easter has passed and I get to drink again…
...Sigh...
…Maybe I should keep an eye on myself here.
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